MAFS: Second Chances-Episode 8: The Final Four

Shit just got real. Ok, so how many of us were at the edge of our seats during last night's episode? *raises hand* Let’s start with the breakups.

I wasn’t exactly sure who David was going to break up with, and I couldn’t quite say that anyone stood out over the other, but when he showed up at Misha’s door? I’d honestly say that I was surprised. And poor Misha looked really hurt. I think it may have had something to do with her telling him that Melika might not be here for the right reasons, because we all know how David reacts when someone says something bad (even if it’s true) about someone that he likes. *insert eye roll*

David pretty much tells her that the spark is fading, that they should go their separate ways, and I’m mildly annoyed. David would have had the opportunity to build with Misha if he wasn’t spending so much time on Melika, but that’s neither here nor there—the deed is done.

Vanessa breaks up with Chris.

Us: 

Thank the good Lord. Since the beginning of the season, I have been shouting and throwing things at my T.V. in hopes that Vanessa sends this young man home. I couldn’t deal with his basic ass vocabulary and him insisting during his self-recorded sessions that he was “the best man for her.”  Sir, please go and play with your Legos or action figures, because you are a child. I know he was hurt, but I’m so glad Vanessa decided to look past the fact that she was physically attracted to him and see that he’s not yet ready to be in a relationship with her.

And then there were 4.

On David’s group date at a painting class, he asks the girls how they’re feeling and talks to them about their experiences. Isabella discusses the fact that her ex boyfriends letter still bothers her, and starts to makes her a little hesitant about another relationship. At the same time, she’s trying to move forward and not let it get in the way of her and David’s relationship. We all know how tricky ex’s can be. One day you’re minding your ownbusiness- skin flourishing, hair growing, drinking water, doing squats and eating your vegetables, and the next thing you know, he’s in your inbox talking about “hey stranger.”
 

On Vanessa’s group bowling date, she also discusses with the guys how they’re feeling, and it’s obvious that they’re all nervous now that it’s down to such a small group. Shannon gets pulled aside because Vanessa feels like he’s been able to somewhat make his way back up to the top of her list although it was a struggle. Our boy Shannon is definitely super confident—cocky even—but it’s clear that he really does like Vanessa.

Pastor Calvin meets with Vanessa and David to talk with them about their choices and making the best decisions for themselves. He asks David what he thinks his greatest barrier is when it comes to finding love. David responds that he feels like he has a fear of losing it once he actually does find it and as a result, he ends up holding on too tight, driving the person away. Pastor Calvin reminds him that the people who wants to be there will stay. Anyone else? Let them go.

Yes! That’ll preach!

Then he tells Dave the secret to relationships is learning how to manage the like, and the spark. Who was taking notes? *raises hand* Pastor Cal got the juice!

When he speaks with Vanessa, they discuss her options, making sure that she’s giving everyone a fair chance so that she also makes the best decision. She tells Pastor Calvin about the two strongest contenders, Myles and Andre, and what she also likes about Shannon and Zach. Pastor Calvin tell both David and Vanessa that at this pivotal point, they need to have some more support in their corners, and their friends, who were there at the beginning of this process, will now come back to have group dates with the remaining 4.

Me:

Salem was the first group date with David and his friends and they go ice skating. Afterward, they’re able to have some time to talk and his friends get to ask her questions about family, how the process has been, and where she is when it comes to David. Salem is one of favorites, don’t get me wrong. But just like his friends mentioned a romantic connection—I just don’t see it between her and David. She’s the only one he hasn’t kissed yet, and I could see them buying matching t-shirts and baking pies together more than anything else. On the other hand, friendship is the foundation of any relationship, so maybe it could work.

Kenya and Danielle, Vanessa’s sister and best friend from high school, respectively—meet with Myles first. They discuss where Myles’s head is at with regards to Vanessa.

Myles: I don’t go into a relationship thinking that it’s not going to be the last one.

Us:

Danielle brings up the fact that if they were to do something long term, he would have biracial children, and his response was that he doesn’t think race or religion is going to have anything to do with the way he raises his kids. That did not go over well with Vanessa’s crew.

Myles, boo. You have to understand the complexities between, race, religion and culture, homeboy. He saves face by saying that the foundation of a relationship is trust, communication, patience and compromise and that they would basically work together to figure it out.  

Whoooo, great answer.  *wipes sweat* Myles you almost lost me.  

The next date is with Zach—he and the girls go play tennis together, and they talk to him about what he thinks the best thing about Vanessa is. He feels like she is a strong woman who knows what she wants out of life. They agree that he definitely seems into her physically, and that he’s cute, but as Kenya said, “Cute can’t carry a relationship.”

*two snaps*

David’s next group date is with Isabella, who although is a great match for him, brings up her ex-boyfriend multiple times throughout the course of the evening with his friends. Maybe she was nervous, more than likely this letter that he wrote her reopened some old wounds—either way, sis that’s not to be taken likely. David has a strong emotional connection with Isabella, but has she completely moved on from her ex?  His friends are not so sure.

Shannon comes over to Danielle’s house for a one on, where they play a Pictionary like game, and talk, but once again his mouth/lack of seriousness seems to do nothing but get him in trouble. The girls do not seem to think that he is funny, cute, or serious and Kenya for one lets his ass have it.

Kenya: I think that you think, that you are THE  catch.

Oot! The forecast is rainy with a hint of shade. Shannon boo, you need to step it up.

It’s Tara’s turn, and y’all know that I’m on her team. I think she has Dave’s best interest at heart and his friends are able to see it. They ask her if she had to pick one person to leave, who would it be and she mentions Isabella—for the simple fact that she doesn’t know if what they both want out of life matches up. Tara says that her favorite thing about David is his optimism. Ours too, Tara. Ours too.

The last group date is with Andre and the girls, and I think he won them over. He was respectful, engaging and he made them laugh. He was able to point little things about Vanessa, like her nervous laugh and the way she smiles.

Us:

I’m so happy for them, and I feel like we should name it. Andre +Vanessa= Adressa? Yes!

#TeamAdressa

Finally, David meets with his friends and Melika, who hesitates when they ask what her favorite thing is about him. It takes Dave back to his first marriage where his then wife struggled to name 3 basic things that she liked about him. Melika eventually comes up with something, and says that she could see a future together, which makes David super excited. Meanwhile I’m just like:

She’s not the one, Dave. Bye.

Group dates: Check.

Meet the friends: Check.

The previews say that we’re meeting family next. Parental units and such.

Warm up your tea, lovelies. See you next week.
 

MAFS: Second Chances- Episode 6: WTF

Things have gotten very interesting. David and Vanessa are narrowing down the crew, but I’m gonna be honest—I don’t think they’re making some of the best decisions. Last week, David shocked us all when he broke up with Jordan, and from there I really started to question his choices.

It’s hard to watch, honestly. David is such a genuine person, but it’s almost as if he can’t make the best decisions for his own love life. He knows how he feels, but is he being led by the wrong things? It’s not that uncommon—we all do it, so I’m not here to judge.  But if David, as sweet as he is, wants to find his partner, he needs to understand what he should be looking for in her.

Ok. *steps off soapbox* Let’s begin with the breakups.

David knocks on Callie’s door and I’m not surprised, but I don’t think he gave her enough of a chance. Unfortunately, perception is reality and I think she ended up losing on that front. Last week I said she got caught up in being a mean girl and fluffed that apology-- but I’m inclined to think that she has a big heart and just a f**k it personality, that gets misunderstood frequently.

I can relate.

Vanessa breaks up with Ike. He’s an attractive man with nice qualities, but she couldn’t get into the fact that Ike wants to wait until marriage for sex. And while I understand the values he holds dear, I’m all about sampling the goods beforehand. The connection wasn’t strong enough to make Vanessa want to wait. So he had to go. Fair enough.

Let’s move on.

Vanessa meets with Dr. Pepper to discuss the connections she has with the guys. She let her know that David is someone who she thinks is mature with a good head on his shoulders, but needs him to open up more. Dr. P. tells Vanessa that because she has a firm foundation with the six guys left, it’s up to her to let them know that they can be vulnerable.

We skip over to our guy Dave who has had something interesting happen to him.  One of his friends sends him a text to let him know that her ex is dating Brittany.

 *sips tea*

Yes, that Brittany. Shorty who wore black leather boots and a sweater dress to the botanical garden date with David. I know that was a dig, but I’m feeling particularly petty today.  Y’all already know David was stressed. He meets with Dr. Pepper to talk to her about what he found out and I’m not sure how he went from saying that Brittany is “dating a friend’s ex” to “she has a boyfriend” but that's what's he labeled it as.  Granted the rules of this specific situation are that the girls are supposed to be here for him, but interestingly enough we already live in the kind of society where men can date whomever they want, but if a woman dates someone else, she’s automatically considered undateable. Tuh. 

Dammit. How does my soapbox keep ending up over here?

Anyway,  Dave takes the six girls on a group date to make BBQ sauce, and of course he’s going to have to address the “Brittany is in a whole entire relationship” situation. It’s very obvious that he’s tense and all the girls feel it. He decides to start the date by asking them if they’re dating anyone else.

They say no.

Me: 

Girl, I get why you wouldn’t admit it in front of the group, but lying is going to get you booted.

So as the date goes on, Dave is on edge, the girls are on edge, and my edges are on edge. You can literally cut the tension with knife. Dave goes around and tastes all the girl’s bbq sauce and then asks if “anyone wants to say anything?” Sir, you’re asking people if they want to confess that they’ve been hiding the fact that they’re dating other people and it’s becoming hella awkward. Stop the shenanigans and just pull Brittany aside. He selects Salem for their one on one date. I really like her—her makeup is ALWAYS on point and her outfits are super cute, plus she’s never really been mixed up in the drama. Cool points all around.

Dave decides to pull Melika aside to discuss the fact that Brittany has a boyfriend.

Us:

Seriously, dude?

Why would you tell her about another girl in the group? That’s his mistake right there and it’s not the first time he’s done it. Keep that to yourself. Write it down in your journal. Call your homeboy. But telling one girl that you’re dating about another girl is not how this works.

Needless to say, Brittany gets the boot. Dave talks to her outside about her lying, and then asks her to leave.

On Vanessa’s group date, she makes Cheesecake with the guys. Hell, EYE would want to be on this date if I knew there’d be cake! Afterwards, Vanessa pulls up a round table type conversation and brings up cheating… Again. I get that it’s a sore spot for her, but sis, you have to let it go.  The past is the past and both Dre and David—the only guys that admitted cheating-- aren’t those same guys anymore.


Chris is still here.

Why? I’m not sure. He’s a child, and he’s doing whatever he can to impress her. This isn’t about a double standard, but men normally mature slower than women, and he’s already barely legal.  Yes, he’s cute, but where is his head at? She takes him on a one on one, to a “fancy restaurant” he orders something he can’t pronounce, and they find out that it’s fried pigs feet. He’s pretending to like snail to “win her heart” and honestly, I just can’t see what our girl Vanessa sees in him.

This is stressing me.

On David and Dre’s small group date with Vanessa, they talk more about physical contact and the importance of sex in a relationship.  I’m proud of her for asking questions that would normally seem taboo, because we’re all adults here. She takes David on a one on one where they discuss him opening up more, having more emotion in his conversations, where he stands, and what their romantic chemistry is.

On David and Salem’s one on one, he learns that Salem hasn’t told her parents about dating him while he’s dating other women because it wouldn’t fly in her culture, and we see Dave become visibly annoyed. Honestly, he needs to relax, and understand that not everything will work on his time, and it’s not really fair to judge her on that. But Dave is also on edge because of everything that’s been happening so I get it, but I need him to pull it together.

David’s next private date is with Tara, and I actually really like them together. Since Jordan is no longer here, I’m now on #TeamTara because I like the fact that she’s mature and sweet and is a good match for him intellectually and personality wise. We’re rooting for you, girl!

On a second small group date with Myles, Chris, Zach and Zach’s shirt, Vanessa takes them to her old stomping grounds/ Alma Mater, Clark Atlanta University (One time for #HBCU love) and has them put on a talent show. Zach does this Love Jones-esque poetry, Myles sings and Chris just takes his shirt off and dances (I’m over him,) but she chooses Zach.

They discuss his careers, traveling, what his future looks like and what his main source of income is. He tells her that it’s acting, and all I hear is.
 

Finally, David’s small group is a bowling date where although he gets a chance to speak to Misha and interact with Salem, he still chooses Melika for the private date where they go shoot some pool.

Melika then randomly tells him that she doesn’t think they have nothing in common.


Us:

WE’VE KNOWN THIS!!!!
WE’VE BEEN KNOWN THIS!
We’ve been shouting at the TV for weeks now!

*woosah… rubs temples*

David, you have to get rid of her.

Breakup time--- Dave sent Brittany home earlier in the week so he doesn’t have to choose anyone else to stop dating, but he’s already been going through it.  I think Vanessa is going to send Zach home because he has no coins, or David home because he’s as dry as the end of a Popeye’s biscuit.

Let me just say—this has probably been the most frustrating episode to watch to date, and my soapbox has been put to good use. 

Friends-- see y’all next week.

MAFS: Second Chances- Episode 4: Side-eyes & Shenanigans

This week’s shenanigans are brought to you by the letter T. As in folks are TRYING it. It also stands for Tea. *sips* If you watched last night, you know what I mean, so let’s jump right into it.

First things, first, I called it! Pooya and Mandy-Grace are out.  There’s nothing worse than trying to date someone who may not be all that committed to the process. Making this decision this wasn’t easy for both David and Vanessa, but it was the right choice.


In meeting with Vanessa, Pastor Calvin reminds her that the name of the game is to “get what she wants.” Both her and David will have to narrow down the pool by two this week, so she needs to decide who she’s built some of the stronger connections with so far.  Pastor Calvin also reminds Dave to treat his relationships sort of like his job. As a professional, he’s super confident, but in dating, he doesn’t want to hurt feelings.  In other words, Dave--- ain’t nobody got time for that.

So on Vanessa’s group date, she gets a chance to speak to Nathan. Remember Nathan? Our Arm Wrestling Macho Man? He and Vanessa were developing some slight friction because of his comments surrounding “sensitive subjects for women…” Uhhh. What?

They have a discussion to clear the air, and Nathan claims that it’s ok that Vanessa believes in equality of the sexes, but then says that “naturally” he would want a woman that has a “level of submissiveness to her.”

Me:

He continues. “You  want the woman to be a woman.”

Us collectively: 

Vanessa busts out laughing and walks away, which is probably the best reaction to something like this.

So let’s hit a time-out, real quick.

Not long ago, I wrote a blog post about the word submissive, what it means and how people –namely men—are misguided in its use. You can read about it here. The fact is, gender roles, have evolved in the last 50 years, past the so called “traditionalism” of women being at home, barefoot and pregnant. We’re politicians, musicians, scholars, doctors, businesswomen, wives, and mothers— no longer are the last two our only options.  It’s not about “my way or the highway” in the household, because we now have rights. Like to leave your ass if you’re being trifalin. What it IS about, is respecting each other and moving forward together as a unit. You don’t automatically have the final say just because you have a penis. That’s not how that works.

*steps off soapbox* I’m finished. Didn’t I say folk were trying it? Anyways.

Dave’s group date doesn’t go that well either. They meet up at the skating rink where the drama is reignited. Melika confronts Callie about apparently saying that she looks like she shops at Wet Seal. I’m not going to lie… I giggled a bit, because girl… she’s not exactly wrong. Wet Seal is for teenagers who use their allowances to buy matching crop tops with their besties.  
 

Melika has a conversation with David to let him know that Callie has become a “mean girl” and gossips about the others in the group.  Before Dave talks to Callie about it, he has a conversation with Jordan and finds out that Melika is actually the one who may not be there for the right reasons. Which… I could have spotted from a mile away. Melika wants to win the contest. This is not about David. This is about her ego. Anyway. David talks to Callie who ends up crying and leaving, and our boy is completely over it. Having to give a group lecture to the rest of the girls, he skates off by himself and Brittany joins him. He asks her out on the one on one date and it goes well.

Myles and Vanessa hit it off during the group pottery date. After Nathan and his comments, she needed his kindhearted genuineness. He’s focused on her, he’s sweet and doesn’t seem to be trying obnoxiously hard. He’s just being himself, so she takes him on the personal date. They do yoga together and then share a kiss. It’s cute. I think Vanessa likes Myles, but mainly because he seems so into her. I can’t call it.


On the smaller group date, Dave and the girls go to a paint and sip, where Maya, who is late, eventually shows up and talks to Dave outside. She feels like this process is stressful, says she can’t do it anymore and actually breaks up him. Now I know I haven’t been a Maya fan. At all. I felt like she was dramatic and attention seeking. But I feel her on the stress and exhaustion. All that estrogen and foolishness would have worn me out too, girl.   

On Vanessa’s  small group date, she goes zip lining with a few of the guys and then pulls Shannon aside to discuss how she felt that for someone who is about to go elephant riding in Thailand for 9 days, he didn’t do enough to make a lasting impression on her. All I'm saying is, he better bring her something back. 

Vanessa decides to take Chris on the one on one date instead, to get foot massages.  As y’all might been able to tell, I’m not on the Chris train. Probably never will be. Yes, he is cute, Fine. But he can’t even talk when he’s around Vanessa. The whole time on their date, I was like,
 

Dave brings the second small group date to the gun range and pulls Callie aside to see how she was feeling after the skating rink.  They have a conversation but Dave doesn’t seem to think she’s sincere. Looks like Callie might actually be on the chopping block soon.

On Vanessa’s second group date, they go on to a glass making class. (Side note: All these dates have been super interesting/fun. Currently making a list of date ideas for me and my imaginary bae)

Zach says he has a job opportunity coming up that might put him in a position to cut his hair, but he can’t quite explain what it is. We find out later on the one on one date, that he’s hesitant to tell her that the job opportunity is in acting, (I knew it. Damn you, Michael Ealy) Now, I’m not here to rain on anyone’s dreams, but now I have so many questions. One of them being, do you even have a job, sir?  A pay-stub? W-2?

Us:

Anyway. Nathan shows up at the end of the small group to try to talk to Vanessa about their last conversation—how he didn’t want to come off offensive with regards to the whole “submissiveness” comment. Ironically, all he can do is interrupt her while she’s speaking so he can try to convince her that he is in fact, not a chauvinist. The conversation does not end well.

It’s breakup time. Dave only has to break up with one person since Maya already beat him to it. My guess? It’s going to be Callie. They’ve fallen out and there’s really no comeback from it.  
The second person I think Vanessa will break up with is Zach. Honesty and stability are important and he lacks both.

First person? No brainer. We see Vanessa pull up to the house, knock on the door, and lo and unsurprisingly behold—it’s Nathan.

They briefly discuss the reasons why she’s there, and I’m not surprised that Nathan doesn’t believe that his comments were problematic. He tells us, the audience, that “while he’s no doctor” he thinks that Vanessa might have some deeply rooted issues and alludes to the absence of her father as the cause. I'm not in the business of telling folks off randomly, but sir-- let me get this straight. You’re not getting what you want, and you're turned off by a woman who stands her ground about not wanting to adhere to some archaic/outdated bullshit about our "roles" as women, so you then draw conclusions about her upbringing?  To add insult to injury, you question her psychological state of mind and say “maybe that’s why she’s single.” Newsflash, dumpling. YOU’RE SINGLE TOO.

After all of that, my only words were:

Over it.

*Exhales* Until next time friends. I need to go oil my edges.